Saturday, January 31, 2009

I Needed To See.

Ok, many people don’t even know that at times I struggle with fears. As I’m sure most of us do. But at times they try to hit me pretty hard. And the last few weeks It’s tried to break me down.

For several years I suffered from sever acid reflux and other stomach troubles. And with this come many pains and pains in the chest. And at times can make you feel like your going to die. And trust me, at that point you start praying and praying hard. With all this, it had begun working on me… or should say the enemy was working on me… and at times it can cause panic attacks. And those are no fun too.

Every one that knows me knows I am a born again Christian, that I love the lord and do my very best for him. So with this said, how can I, a child of god have these fears? Fears that have been tormenting me day and night. Fears that can grab me so hard and cause sheer panic in me? And to top that off, my family and friends diden't even know it most of the time. I never say anything.. I just get up and walk around the house a lot, or keep my mind busy on the computer setting here thinking, and most of all praying. How can I, Gods child; have this? It has been a struggle in my mind and spirit. Asking God all the time, Lord, what is wrong with me? I’m yours; I shouldn’t even be feeling this way. I of all people should know better? I’m speaking your word, I’m praying, I’m doing all that I know to do… so why?

As I began reading a book the other day.. “Curing the Incurable – How to receive healing in hopeless situations” forward by R.W. Shambach, book by Jack Coe. God showed me some things. There are 5 keys to healing in the book, but what God began to reveal to my heart was this… he said.. you know how you set and see yourself sick? You know how you see yourself afraid to even go to town alone, or even go into the bathroom without your cell phone when home alone?… god said, you see these things in your minds eye.. You see the fear, you see things happening to you… you SEE the bad but pray for the Good.. and I had to stop in my tracks and say…. Oh lord, you are right!! I SEE these things in my mind. Oh Lord, I am so sorry! I felt so bad. Why? Because I’m always telling others.. you have to SEE what God is doing in YOUR life.. and here I was not even seeing my own!! It sadden my heart to the point of crying.

God said, Patty… remember your favorite verse in the bible? The one you named Jessie after? I said, yes.. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen… He said, Patty… say this with me.. NOW, Faith is the substance of THINGS HOPED FOR!!… and I did, and he said… what do you hope for? What you HOPE for, you SEE. When you set and dream of things.. you see them in your minds eye… your heart.. you see yourself going places that you dream of, or buying something you would love to own.. you see yourself driving that new car, or spending your life with that one you love.. you SEE these things… you HOPE these things. And God said…….. Patty….. SEE yourself healed.. see yourself with NO Fear.. see yourself doing and going where I send you.. SEE yourself the way you pray. I said…Oh Lord, I understand… I must SEE myself as YOU say I am!!

Well, all I could do was cry.. and I began to speak out.. Lord, your word says… now FAITH is the substance of things HOPE FOR.. And with my heart, my minds eye… I HOPE, I SEE myself healed.. I see myself going each day with NO FEAR, I SEE myself walking again with JOY, no pain, no fear, I SEE myself doing the work that you set me here for!! Thank you Lord, that I Can SEE.. I SEE what I HOPE for!!

I have been doing this every day now, and when those fears, those panic attacks, that pain comes, when the enemy says.. you’ll never be better, you’ll never go and be normal again, you’ll always feel this way… I say NO, my God says HOPE, SEE… and I SEE ALL that He has for me, and I walk in that! I no longer SEE what you are trying to show me, I SEE what MY God says I am!! I SEE it in Jesus Name!!

What happens when we do this.. God has made a way of escape for me, he has set me free from the chains that try to hold me back.. He makes the enemy flee from me. And Gives me hope!!

What do you SEE in your life? What pictures play over and over in your minds eye? Do you see endless doom and gloom? Never having enough? Always being sick? always fallings short? Well stop… and say NO, this is what I SEE, and begin to say it out loud and cause the enemy to flee from your life. And walk where God wants you to walk.

Why did I poor my heart out here? Why did I put myself out there for all to see? Why did I show a side that know one sees? Because God is using me to be a witness to all, and that means that I’m walking where HE wants me too and that those fears have no hold on me!

Open your heart today and begin to SEE!

1 comment:

  1. Patty,

    Thank you for writing this post. I have been struggling with doubts of what I can be and struggling with things that I think I can never do-- feeling incompetent. And these are all SELF feelings and not what God wants me to see or do. Thanks for the reminder-- praying for you and please pray for me as I work on this as well.