Thursday, February 4, 2016

Waiting On The Lord.

It' seems like I come here when things are falling apart around me. I pray for the day that I can come here and write about things going in the right direction. But right now, again, it seems like things are falling apart and there is nothing I can do but pray and wait on God.

I hate divorce, it tears people apart, it's like a death.. but with death you know the ending. With divorce, you're not always sure. It breaks apart and you're not sure where all the pieces will fall. It's heart breaking to more than just the two who are splitting.

My heart is breaking because the family I had will no longer be. The times together, the family dinners, no more Sunday dinners after church. No more times of setting on the porch just talking, no time on the patio swing just enjoying each other. No more kids with their antics and things that they do. The laughter is gone, setting and planning things... it's all gone. My house will be empty of all the laughter, the love...

Yes, Walter and I will still be here, Jess is getting older and her life will move on too.. but with divorce of the two people you love, I'm just not sure what to do.

I pray all the time, I keep asking God, What do I do with that Word you gave me several years ago? Do I hold on to it or do I let go? I'm always saying... But God, you said.. In my heart, I can't let go of that Word..I almost watched them die but God saved them. Brought them back from death's door. I know He didn't save them just to split. But what can I do? I just keep praying. I just can't let go.

Now, my daughter is moving away from me and my heart breaks so bad. Things have been said, their is pain there, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do. The pain is like someone has torn my heart out. All I know to do is just keep praying.. wait on the Lord.

I have no idea what the future holds, I just pray and have to trust that God will fix it all. I pray that things get better. Life changes are never easy to take. I just pray that they allow God to heal them, fix their hearts. I just have to trust in Him, as bad as it looks, God has to have something better at the end. I'm just not sure what it is. But until He does, i'll just keep praying and waiting on the Lord.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Trying To Catch Up

Well, since my last post almost a year ago, as usual, a lot has happened.

Jessica graduated Cosmetology this past August, and in December she walked and received her Diploma. I'm very proud of her for finishing school. Now I'm just waiting on her to head to Dallas and take her state test. She's been putting this off for some reason. Not sure why, but I'm praying she does this soon. She's had a job since Thanksgiving working at Bealls but in February she starts another job here in town. She's excited.

Kayah has graduated High School as well, she now works at Walmart and is expecting her first child in July of this year. She's super excited and I'm excited as well. This will make me a great-Mimi. We don't say the grandma word! Lol. But she's doing well all in all.

Shelbi, she's just Shelbi. Love that kid because she's something else. Lol. She now has a boyfriend and stays busy most of the time and I never get to see her. She's still in school and doing well.

As for Angie, well.. I never get to see or hear from her. I guess we have just been written off from her life. I miss her and wish things were different, but that's a situation that God will have to take care of.

Walter, he's still Walter too. Ha ha. But he's working so hard. Puts in many hours at work. It's a hard job in Logging. His breathing hasn't been that well and that concerns me. Seems to have to hit his breathing machine more. But he keeps going. Just praying for healing over his lungs.

My mom, she's seems to be adjusting better. She still has her moments on missing daddy. But she's dealing with it in her own way I guess. As we all do. But she's still living in that same little house that I wish she would move from. It's very old, needs tons of work and I worry about her in it. I'm hoping one day she'll agree to move, but for now, she wants to stay there.

As for Melissa and Bryan.. well, it's been heart breaking as they are splitting up and getting divorced. Part of me wants to talk about this, but part of me doesn't. They have been together for 15 years and to watch this, well, it's hard. All I know to say is, Walk with God, keep your eyes on Him, let the Lord build your marriage, because if you don't.. it can fall apart. All I can keep thinking of is that Easter Sunday several years ago. God saved them for a reason and I just have to hang on to that and trust Him. But in spite of it all, Melissa is still going to Cosmetology too. She's in night classes and working days. It's been very, very hard on her and I just have to keep lifting her up to the Lord. It's been difficult but I know she'll make it.

As for me, well.. I'm doing ok. A lot has changed in me over the last 4 years. Sometimes I feel lost and wonder. But I just keep holding onto the Lord and keep going. I don't know how to describe things inside me, I just know that things are different. But onto a better note, I'm back into my Tupperware biz. It was 2 years on Jan. 25th. and I enjoy it. I love it when I'm able to be out among people. When you spend so much time at home, and most days alone, it can get to you. So when I can get out and hold parties, be with others, I enjoy it.

I'm so ready for Spring and Summer. I'm ready to be back out in the yard again and soaking up the sun. This cold weather gets to me. I keep trying to talk Walter into moving someplace warm, but I don't think that will happen. I'm pretty sure he'll just tell me.. turn up the heater to get warm! Lol But I would love warm sun, sand and beach. Someplace where I could unwind and stay relaxed all the time.  When I went to our Tupperware Jubilee this past August, I loved it! It's in Florida and to tell the truth, it was hard for me to come home. Lol. I so wanted to stay! I need to just do a post on my trip. It was awesome and scary at the same time..but I loved it! I'll leave that to another day.

So, I think I have given the biggest updates, there are other things to talk about but I'll leave those till later.
Until then,
Be Blessed.

Monday, January 25, 2016

16 More Days

Once again, it's been awhile since I have posted. I think about it often, but just put it off I guess.

But it's getting closer to the date and in 16 more days it will be 4 years. 4 years since my dad went to heaven and I still think about most every day. It's 16 more days until my birthday and they have never been the same.

16 more days that I don't want to think about it to tell you the truth. I just don't look at it the same way. I guess I never will. In 16 more days my mom will relive it over again and her heart will break. Time has made it a little easier on her, but she still has her moments.

I thank God that my dad is no longer suffering and I know where he is and that I will see him again one day, but it's those 16 days that I dread and try not to think about it. But I do.