Sometimes being a mother is so hard. Sometimes you just want to scream and throw up your hands and say I can't do this any more! But then you stop, take a deep breath and realize that your child's life holds in the balance by what you do.
Then you realize you can't give up no matter how frustrating it gets. You continue to pray and you pray harder. You talk to God allot about every thing. You ask him.. Lord, what do I do? and he says.. just hang on.. and keep speaking My word over them.
So you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and you get right back on doing what God tells you. You realize that it's up to the words you pray over them that can make or break them.
You realize how hard it is on God at times being the father that he is. And then you begin to apologize to Him for all that you have done. And you say... Lord, what did you do when I acted like this??
He says...
I loved you through it ALL.
So you look at your child and say.... I will love you through it ALL.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thursday, July 8, 2010
It's Been Awhile..
I know it's been some time since I have posted to my blog. And I know that I should have over the past year and half.. but sometimes life has a way of taking you to places and getting away from you.
Allot has happened over this time. Melissa and Bryan are still living with us. They are both working now at Wal-Mart and doing ok. It's been a bit tight here sometimes, but I love having them with us. Kinda makes me feel complete having them here. And I have gone back to work full time. That's been a big change for me not being in the working world for so long.
Jess is now going into High School this August. She's growing so fast and I don't know where the time has went. Walter is doing pretty good. Still Walter haha There has been more going on in my life, but way to much to talk about right now.
But one of the biggest things in my life is my dad. About 8 months ago he was diagnosed with throat cancer. This has been one of the hardest things in my life. I pray and declare the victory over my dad all the time. And I know that God can heal him. But sometimes I know God can only do so much when allowed.
At times I try not to think about it all, but like I said, I try and so most of every second of every day it's on my mind. We had family pictures made and that was tuff.. we have had get togethers to spend time with him. We just spent what I feel to be our last fathers day with him. And all that is tuff.
I keep my prayers going up to God for all this.. but then I told the Lord, I don't want you to keep him here just for me. I know God has other plans sometimes and we don't always understand them. I have seen my dad suffer with this. And I have done all that I could by keeping him in natural vitamins and stuff. I guess I keep doing that so I can feel that I done all that I could. But in my heart I feel that I could have done more.
I have talked to my dad about the Lord and asked him if he has made things right with him. He said he has and he knows he will go to be with the Lord. I told my dad at one of his many emergency room visits.. Daddy, I think I'll be able to handle all this better knowing that you'll be with God.. but if you hadn't, I don't know how I would do with it. I had to know that he would be with the Lord to get through all this. Other wise I feel it would have drove me crazy. But I feel peace about it and my dad and I know we will see each other some day. That's my peace when times get tuff on me.
I have to say though there are times that I have questioned God, and asked him questions.. and wondered.. but he assures me he'll see me through all this. God has been preparing me for this. Just before my dad went into the hospital the very first time we found out about the cancer the Lord told me something... I questioned him and said..No Lord, that can't be right.. He's ok. But that's a whole story in itself and I may tell it one day... but for now I just keep looking to God and saying Lord help me.. this is gonna be tuff and he tells me. . I'm here.. just know that I am.
I feel that I need to start posting more to my blog.. something like my outlet for what I feel. I'm not always good with words and not sure if I can communicate what I feel.. but I think it will be more like talks between me and God. And right now I need all the talks with God that I can get.
Allot has happened over this time. Melissa and Bryan are still living with us. They are both working now at Wal-Mart and doing ok. It's been a bit tight here sometimes, but I love having them with us. Kinda makes me feel complete having them here. And I have gone back to work full time. That's been a big change for me not being in the working world for so long.
Jess is now going into High School this August. She's growing so fast and I don't know where the time has went. Walter is doing pretty good. Still Walter haha There has been more going on in my life, but way to much to talk about right now.
But one of the biggest things in my life is my dad. About 8 months ago he was diagnosed with throat cancer. This has been one of the hardest things in my life. I pray and declare the victory over my dad all the time. And I know that God can heal him. But sometimes I know God can only do so much when allowed.
At times I try not to think about it all, but like I said, I try and so most of every second of every day it's on my mind. We had family pictures made and that was tuff.. we have had get togethers to spend time with him. We just spent what I feel to be our last fathers day with him. And all that is tuff.
I keep my prayers going up to God for all this.. but then I told the Lord, I don't want you to keep him here just for me. I know God has other plans sometimes and we don't always understand them. I have seen my dad suffer with this. And I have done all that I could by keeping him in natural vitamins and stuff. I guess I keep doing that so I can feel that I done all that I could. But in my heart I feel that I could have done more.
I have talked to my dad about the Lord and asked him if he has made things right with him. He said he has and he knows he will go to be with the Lord. I told my dad at one of his many emergency room visits.. Daddy, I think I'll be able to handle all this better knowing that you'll be with God.. but if you hadn't, I don't know how I would do with it. I had to know that he would be with the Lord to get through all this. Other wise I feel it would have drove me crazy. But I feel peace about it and my dad and I know we will see each other some day. That's my peace when times get tuff on me.
I have to say though there are times that I have questioned God, and asked him questions.. and wondered.. but he assures me he'll see me through all this. God has been preparing me for this. Just before my dad went into the hospital the very first time we found out about the cancer the Lord told me something... I questioned him and said..No Lord, that can't be right.. He's ok. But that's a whole story in itself and I may tell it one day... but for now I just keep looking to God and saying Lord help me.. this is gonna be tuff and he tells me. . I'm here.. just know that I am.
I feel that I need to start posting more to my blog.. something like my outlet for what I feel. I'm not always good with words and not sure if I can communicate what I feel.. but I think it will be more like talks between me and God. And right now I need all the talks with God that I can get.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Was She An Angel?
Today at church our pastor made a statement. He said, the word of God holds power, and when we tell people about.. say.. like the day we were saved those words still hold the power of God in them. The very thing that drew us to God, can still draw someone else to him. So instantly it came to my mind about the day that I got saved and how it all happened.
I was about 13 yr. Old when it happened. I was going to a church with some friends of mine and their mom played piano and lord could that lady make that piano sing. And I had been going to church with them for some time. Now, I don’t know how I knew there was more to God all my life, I just knew that I knew and that I had to find it. Well, my friends and their mom invited me to a revival that their grandparents was having up in El Dorado, Arkansas. And my mom said I could go. It was going to be several days, and it was my first ever revival to go to. Now, I wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen, but I was so excited and I just knew something exciting was going to happen.
Well, we arrive at their grandparent’s home and that night we got ready and went to the revival. It was being held in a community center type building with stage and all. So when we arrived, there were many other people and teens there. And I was having fun just meeting everyone. There were young and old, middle age and babies.. just all walks of life there. But, not long after I got there, their was this much older lady.. gray hair and she wore those old heavy knit dresses. Now, this was back in the 70’s so many of the older ladies wore stuff like that. But, this lady began to talk to me.
Now, me being a teen, I wanted to socialize with all the other kids, but this one lady kept finding me wherever I would go. I would go to the bathroom and she was there, I would walk around other teens and she would be there right behind me and she would ask, are you going to get saved tonight? I looked at her and said… I don’t know, I love the Lord, but I just didn’t know if I was that night or not. No matter where I went, she was there.
Now after 2 days of this, I’m like, why is this lady following me around? Who is she, what does she want from me? Why is she always there no matter where I turn.. I asked my friends and they would just say.. I don’t know who she is. but somehow I could just feel her around me.. and poof.. there she would be.. right over my shoulder and asking me.. Are you going to get saved tonight? And I would look at her again and say.. I don’t know.
This went on for several days and on the last night of the revival as I listened to the pastor.. God was dealing with me. He was the whole time, but I just had to process it all. And at the end of service, I said Yes Lord, I will accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And I jumped up and took off to the front. Now, back then when you gave your heart to the lord, they would take you to a room and talk to you, and then pray for you and lead you in the sinners prayer. Well, when I done this I was so excited. Such a joy filled me and all I could do was beam with this wonderful new feeling. Such excitement filled my heart. Well, when I came out from the back I began looking for that lady.
I looked all over the building, I searched the ladies room, I looked outside, and I asked my friends.. hey, where did that gray haired lady go? And they looked at me and said.. what gray haired lady? I said, you know.. that lady that followed me all over the place for the last 4 days. And they looked at me in amazement and said, we didn’t see any gray haired lady.. I said you had too, she was the lady that followed me all over the place, you know that lady who wore that gray dress… with short gray hair. She’s the one that kept asking me, Are you going to get saved tonight? You had to see her, she’s the one I kept asking you about. She stood right here with us? But still they insisted they didn’t know who I was talking about.
Well, I wanted to find her and say.. I did it.. I accepted Jesus tonight.. and I wanted to share my joy with her.. but I never did find her. One minute she was there and the next gone.
Now, over the years I would ponder on this. But one day it hit me.. could God have sent an angel just for me? no one knew her, no one I was with said they seen here.. but yet, every place I went, she was there. And the very second I wanted to rush to her and say.. I did It, I did it.. she was gone.
For me, I say she was. I think God loved me so much, and wanted me so bad, and wanted to change my life that he sent an angel just for me. One who would keep pointing me in the direction that he wanted me to go. One that would stand by me until he knew that I was were I was supposed to be, and that was in the arms of the Lord.
For me, that gray haired lady, in that gray knit dress, was and always will be an angel
Have you seen your angel?
I was about 13 yr. Old when it happened. I was going to a church with some friends of mine and their mom played piano and lord could that lady make that piano sing. And I had been going to church with them for some time. Now, I don’t know how I knew there was more to God all my life, I just knew that I knew and that I had to find it. Well, my friends and their mom invited me to a revival that their grandparents was having up in El Dorado, Arkansas. And my mom said I could go. It was going to be several days, and it was my first ever revival to go to. Now, I wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen, but I was so excited and I just knew something exciting was going to happen.
Well, we arrive at their grandparent’s home and that night we got ready and went to the revival. It was being held in a community center type building with stage and all. So when we arrived, there were many other people and teens there. And I was having fun just meeting everyone. There were young and old, middle age and babies.. just all walks of life there. But, not long after I got there, their was this much older lady.. gray hair and she wore those old heavy knit dresses. Now, this was back in the 70’s so many of the older ladies wore stuff like that. But, this lady began to talk to me.
Now, me being a teen, I wanted to socialize with all the other kids, but this one lady kept finding me wherever I would go. I would go to the bathroom and she was there, I would walk around other teens and she would be there right behind me and she would ask, are you going to get saved tonight? I looked at her and said… I don’t know, I love the Lord, but I just didn’t know if I was that night or not. No matter where I went, she was there.
Now after 2 days of this, I’m like, why is this lady following me around? Who is she, what does she want from me? Why is she always there no matter where I turn.. I asked my friends and they would just say.. I don’t know who she is. but somehow I could just feel her around me.. and poof.. there she would be.. right over my shoulder and asking me.. Are you going to get saved tonight? And I would look at her again and say.. I don’t know.
This went on for several days and on the last night of the revival as I listened to the pastor.. God was dealing with me. He was the whole time, but I just had to process it all. And at the end of service, I said Yes Lord, I will accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And I jumped up and took off to the front. Now, back then when you gave your heart to the lord, they would take you to a room and talk to you, and then pray for you and lead you in the sinners prayer. Well, when I done this I was so excited. Such a joy filled me and all I could do was beam with this wonderful new feeling. Such excitement filled my heart. Well, when I came out from the back I began looking for that lady.
I looked all over the building, I searched the ladies room, I looked outside, and I asked my friends.. hey, where did that gray haired lady go? And they looked at me and said.. what gray haired lady? I said, you know.. that lady that followed me all over the place for the last 4 days. And they looked at me in amazement and said, we didn’t see any gray haired lady.. I said you had too, she was the lady that followed me all over the place, you know that lady who wore that gray dress… with short gray hair. She’s the one that kept asking me, Are you going to get saved tonight? You had to see her, she’s the one I kept asking you about. She stood right here with us? But still they insisted they didn’t know who I was talking about.
Well, I wanted to find her and say.. I did it.. I accepted Jesus tonight.. and I wanted to share my joy with her.. but I never did find her. One minute she was there and the next gone.
Now, over the years I would ponder on this. But one day it hit me.. could God have sent an angel just for me? no one knew her, no one I was with said they seen here.. but yet, every place I went, she was there. And the very second I wanted to rush to her and say.. I did It, I did it.. she was gone.
For me, I say she was. I think God loved me so much, and wanted me so bad, and wanted to change my life that he sent an angel just for me. One who would keep pointing me in the direction that he wanted me to go. One that would stand by me until he knew that I was were I was supposed to be, and that was in the arms of the Lord.
For me, that gray haired lady, in that gray knit dress, was and always will be an angel
Have you seen your angel?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Before, After and Before
**BEFORE **
Strange title I know, but this is a multi purpose post.. so let's start out with the first before. Here in this picture you see me in the "Before" as in, before I gained weight. No fat face, or extra chin haha...back when I was slim and trim and long hair. Ok, that takes care of the first "Before" now to the after part of my story.. and one of my multi purposes for this post.
**AFTER/BEFORE**
As many of you know, this week was my birthday, and for my birthday my sister wanted to treat me to a "Just Patty Day".. She had been praying and asking God what should she do for me, and he told her.. just do for her. Give her a makeover, she needs it, she needs some pick me up and I want to bless her.. So that's what my sister did. She set it up for me to get my hair done, a facial and take me shopping. And I have to say, for me it was hard to receive. I can give much better than I can receive.. but we went and got my hair done, my facial and a new set of clothes. We had a wonderful day and to tell the truth, I told my sister, I don't know what to say other than thank you, and I began to cry in the store.. It touched my heart so that God wanted to bless just me, and used my sister to do it. It was an over-whelming feeling.
But as you can see, I have gained weight, that extra chin haha.. but now with short hair. (and yes, I have had short hair before) and this brings me to my "Before, After and BEFORE
This is now my new Before pic because after looking at myself and seeing how much I have gained, I plan on loosing weight haha.. so this is me BEFORE haha. I am going to go back to the slim person (or as close as I can get) that I once was. I felt better, had more energy and my clothes fit better haha.. so This is me now, but by summer, I'll be a different person.
I'm not planning on any crash diets, or fads, just back to basic good eating, not eating after 5 pm. and back to my walking and exercise. And when summer rolls around, I'll take a new AFTER picture haha.. and post that..
So now, you see me Before, After and Before!
And to my sister, I love you very much and thank God for the blessing you gave me for my birthday and for the fact that you listened to the lord and followed his will!!
Sisters Forever!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Where Did The Time Go?
Where or where did the time go?? She has gone from my curly headed little girl to a young lady and the time has just flew by.
My baby is growing up and today was her very first Valentine date. Yes, that is her guy friend haha.. brad and he is just so nice. So very polite and caring. He treats Jessie like a lady.
Today she went to the movies with Bradly and his mom and dad, and then out to eat. I know she had so much fun and was a bit nervous at first about it.
I just wish I could slow time down and keep her little and with me forever but I know that's not going to happen haha.. I miss the little tiny hands patting my face, giving me kisses and hugging my neck.. but I know as she grows older and we get past that.. mom doesn't know anything stage.. we'll be good friends.
I just stand in amazement at how she's growing and hope and pray all the time that I'm teaching her the very best I can and creating a beautiful young woman.
Happy Valentines Day to Jessie and Bradly.
Love,
Mom
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